I have sat down at the computer a dozen times over the last 2 weeks to update the blog and I just haven’t had the words. So much has happened. Some good but some really bad. There has been healing and cleaning out of old junk, but there has also been loss. Today I will talk about the healing. I’ll mention the loss but, to be honest, I still can’t find the words.

First, an update on Sam. He is doing great!. It has been almost 5 weeks since the accident, and his healing is nothing short of a miracle. We have come from standing in an emergency room hearing he has 23% burns over the top right half of his body and face and may require skin grafts to last weeks 30 second visit by the plastic surgeon saying, “Yep, looks good. It all should heal. See you in 2 weeks.” (That truly was the extent of the conversation.) There is still a spot on his arm that still is a little iffy but it has been shrinking with his twice daily debridements. We know all of this is because thousands of people have been praying for him all over the world and we are so thankful.

Not only are his burns doing well but his attitude and spirits have been another miracle. Once again, this will deserve a later post, but things have not always been smooth sailing among the four Harris’. Sam has struggled and in a nut-shell, we had to ask him to move out of our house 3 years ago. It took him some time to find his footing and to mature, but in the last 6 months we have seen some real “adulting” and we were cautiously optimistic. So when the accident happened, both Jeff and I, were on pins and needles waiting to see how he would react. React to the pain, set back, and to the fact that he would be living under our roof again, with our rules and with his momma acting as his nurse. Any one of those things would be enough to cause friction but he has handled it like a champ! He has been pleasant, funny, entertaining, and patient. Don’t get me wrong, we are all counting the days to when he will be “adulting” on his own again but this has also been a great time of family healing with all four of us under one roof.

Even though the last 5 weeks has been a time of healing, we have experienced a great loss. My cousin-friend Renee lost her battle with MDS (Myelodysplastic syndrome) on Mothers Day. The loss to our family and her friends is not something I can put into words at this time. It’s still to fresh and unreal to wrap my head around. How can this amazing mother, sister, daughter, cousin and friend, who is tough as nails, not have kicked this disease to the curb? Why can others get to do that but not her? She was so full of life and mischief. She was the perfect blend of love and sass! (If you doubt me read her blog at https://chemosabesite.wordpress.com) I would have thought cancer would take one look at her and run the other way out of fear and intimidation. Unfortunately cancer is mean and knows no boundaries. I will be writing more on my amazing cousin and her outlook on life in a later post so stay tuned but until then please check out her blog and consider becoming a bone marrow match. Check out Be the Match and consider getting tested or donating. https://bethematch.org

On a totally different note, today is our 25th anniversary. To honor the commitment we made before God and our family and friends all those years ago, I cleaned out 2 cabinets yesterday. Woohoo! We party hard! I know you all are so jealous of the fabulous life we lead. Ha! Seriously though, I really did clean out the cabinets and I threw away spices I received from my bridal shower 25 years and 3 houses ago. Why you ask? Two reasons, really. The first is very practical. They were a mess and it was driving both of us crazy. (One of us may have commented about it several times.) I know everyone has a junk drawer or cabinet but several of our drawers and cabinets had become that way and neither of us can stand clutter.

Now for the literary and profound reason that will tie it all together. Drum roll please………cluttered drawers and cabinets can very quickly become a metaphor for our life and for marriage.

Stay with me here. The drawers and cabinets in our life become cluttered because we are in a hurry and shove stray items, left out, in a place where we don’t have to see them because we don’t have time to take care of it right then. Or we collect spices over the years and we never bother to do an inventory to see if they are expired or if we have replaced them with a new one. It’s clear right? Just like life and marriage. We rarely take the time to clean out the junk in our relationships. We sweep it in the drawer or shove it in the back of the cabinet. We only look for the missing item when something breaks or when we make a special meal that requires marjoram. (What actually has ever used marjoram?!) I know I’ve ventured out on a tangent but this is what I’ve learned over 25 years of marriage with an amazing husband. WE ALL HAVE JUNK! And at some point we have to deal with that stuff. We have to take an inventory and go through our outdated spices. We have to throw out the old hurts, fix what is broken, and celebrate how far we have come. What better time to do that than an anniversary.

Jeff and I got married 25 years ago. We were young and naive about life and marriage. We had no idea what was in store for us. We just knew we loved each other and we wanted marry our best friend. We were so clueless! 25 years later, we are not as young and not as naive. Life has taken us to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, but we still love each other and are still best friends. We are still clueless about why life is the way it is, most the time, but here is some harsh truth and reality that will save your years of therapy. Jeff is NOT my prince charming, here to save me, from the evil in this world. This is NOT a fairytale. And furthermore, I DO NOT complete Jeff, like Jerry Maguire would have us believe. Life is not a romance movie either. I am only saved and Jeff is only complete through the grace and love of God and His son, Jesus. There is no magic fairy Godmother that produces a new outfit and mode of transportation, and most the time, there is not a ball. Life and marriage is messy, mundane, crazy, boring, hard, sweet, sad, full, lonely and chaotic, all at the same time. It brings both joy and tears on any given day. The only way I have found to deal with all of this is to put God first in my life, and get down on my knees in prayer. That includes my marriage, kids, and friendships. And then I clean out the junk left by unrealistic expectations of what I thought life should be like. I grab the hand of the imperfect guy I married, and we move on to the next mess.